31th December, 2022- Dear Diary, Today marks the last day of the year coming to an end, and so begins an unusual habit of human beings, leaving a footprint of themself for the future to look back on. And While a multitude of reels, and videos on social media presenting the timelines of the year gone by are posted on the net for the world to see, the apathy keeps on growing.
Apathy… What is it? how do you define not caring better than just not caring ? what is this feeling, of being unfazed, unbothered by anything? Couldn’t care less if the universe around me was available for the plunder, each and every atom there is, available to obtain for the keeping, yet I couldn’t be bothered to move an inch from this cold ground that I’m lying upon for hours, unbothered if I ate, slept, stink, if Im alive or dead. Is it apathy when you lose your sense of self? Man is but an atom to the earth, and the earth being an atom to the observable universe. His being there or not makes no difference in the grand scale of things. So, does any of my achievements, any of my blunders matter? Does it matter if I go on a rampage and mow down a park full of people? or does it matter if I solve world hunger, or cure cancer? Does it matter if I choose to struggle and earn myself a comfortable life, or does it matter if I decide to not move an inch from where I am, not caring if I ate, drank, moved, until my body gives up and decomposed into an eventual pile of bones? You could make me the richest person on the planet, every materialistic thing available at every beck and call, with the only one request to stand up from my current position of laying on the ground and I’d still not care to do so . is the comfort of the cold tiles on the floor of a hot day a culprit of my inaction, or is it far more sinister? Is it comfort, or is it absolute apathy coupled with depression?
If the world around me was on fire and with each and every atom around me enflaming everything in its path, Id still not care. the fire, roasting my skin to a crisp, my clothes ashen, my insides cooked, medium rare, and Id still not care. My expressions, motionless. My heart, emotionless. Each and every day just going by, wake up, eat, work, and sleep, the cycle continues. No desire to do anything, but to just, Un-exist.
Even doing art hasn’t helped lately. Nor has exercising, nor has making music, nor has working, nor has cooking. Strange, when all these were the things that kept me going until now, life seems to have lost its light.
What do others feel about this? is it something that everyone goes through? do others even introspect? Introspection is a curse, that no one should go through. Well, talking on a blog post is the most monologue thing one can do anyway, as if someone is actually gonna be answering all these questions that I have.
so dear diary, I really wish that from the new year, I start to be less apathetic, and more feeling. Now, If only if I knew *HOW* to do this.
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