I think I'm going crazy. Every breath feels too much, existence tires me.
another day of waking up, dealing with humans, dealing with my own thoughts,
some to much for my mind to comprehend, some depraved, some straight up scary. remembrance of Allah is the only solace I seem to find lately.
The fact that life hereafter is better is the only solace of wanting to be alive to be worthy of it. Every opening of the eye in the morning, is a countdown to the end.
Interacting with humans only brings about disdain, and anger. I unfortunately seem to be turning into a hermit. NO, that cannot be, there's far too much on my shoulders to be running away from humanity yet.
I used to look at the Buddhists self immolating themselves, and couldn't fathom the idea of one literally igniting oneself and the crazy amount of pain and physical damage outside the point of repair in search of peace out all the things? But now I understand. What is this mind of mine, is it the same with everyone ? do all of the other minds work the same way? I know ones normally would recommend to visit a psychologist for the same, but I already have. All they can recommend me is to "not overthink" so much, to focus on the now, and not think about the history of man, the future of men, and what the society in general is doing, and only wear your "blinders" like the horses do, lest you go crazy.
But I argue, if to think of ones existence and his purpose , to try to make sense of the depravity in the same of "society" is to overthink, then what are you here for?
What's better, to live as a monster, or to die as a man?
I now sympathise with the socially unaccepted, the "conspiracy theorists", about how the world is going to hell, about how under the power hungry top 0.01% sociopaths controlling the world markets and economies, the entertainment industries, the ones that lord over the World Economic Forums, the World Banks, the United Nations, the "superpowers" that decide what road the societies are walking towards.
Behind all their actions is a single goal, the goal of the puppeteer , Satan himself; on the goal of taking down as many men as he can where he is destines to go in the hereafter, as per the bet made between him and god, On how he'd corrupt mankind, the progeny of Adam and eve, whom god made superior to angels and jinn alike.
Quran (Chapter Al-Hijr)
32. (Allâh) said: "O Iblîs (Satan)! What is your reason for not being among the prostrators?"
33. [Iblîs (Satan)] said: "I am not the one to prostrate myself to a human being, whom You created from sounding clay of altered black smooth mud."
34. (Allâh) said: "Then, get out from here, for verily, you are Rajîm (an outcast or a cursed one)." [Tafsîr At-Tabarî]
35. "And verily, the curse shall be upon you till the Day of Recompense (i.e. the Day of Resurrection)."
36. [Iblîs (Satan)] said: "O my Lord! Give me then respite till the Day they (the dead) will be resurrected."
37. Allâh said: "Then, verily, you are of those reprieved,
38. "Till the Day of the time appointed."
39. [Iblîs (Satan)] said: "O my Lord! Because you misled me, I shall indeed adorn the path of error for them (mankind) on the earth, and I shall mislead them all.
40. "Except Your chosen, (guided) slaves among them."
41. (Allâh) said: "This is the Way which will lead straight to Me."
42. "Certainly, you shall have no authority over My slaves, except those who follow you of the Ghâwîn (Mushrikûn and those who go astray, criminals, polytheists, and evil-doers, etc.).
43. "And surely, Hell is the promised place for them all.
I know what names I'll be called with these beliefs, and I shall yet, stand by them, unafraid of being socially outcasted as a crazed lunatic. As to why I'd post this on the net for the world to read is another topic by itself, because as deranged as I sound, I know, that I cannot be alone, and that someone somewhere has thought of this too, and when they feel alone, like they're going crazy due to their beliefs, I wish that this post reaches them, and they know that they aren't alone, like their thought wavelength is being reciprocated by someone, and I hope that in a population of 8 billion ( being the highest that it has ever been ) , yet people have never felt lonelier and more isolated than ever before, you dear reader, aren't alone.
quod sumus, hoc eritis.
Everything seems meaningless, hopeless. God knows when all our accounts will get settled. All are tired of this stage acting.