thoughts.

"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power."

Abraham Lincoln.

Recent events in life have gotten me to a conclusion that I am not a nice person.

Drunk on power, I am misusing my opportunities, into believing that I am special.

I am not.

Mind cluttered.

A farce image of me, influencing the people around me, into believing that I'm someone I'm not.

A much more capable, successful, charismatic person than I am truly.

To an extent, social media is to blame,

but to another, a false image that I create, for few hours of the day, when I'm hyper extroverted, bubbly cheerful being that I am, only for a few hours of the day.

In reality, this being is drunk on power, ego, and an exhibitionist.

An exhibitionist of money, of contacts, and of position in the society.

All fucking fake. A farce. Make believe.

Mother got a political seat in NCP, but apart from thinking of how useful this can be to grow the society, and influence the masses into growth,

I am unable to go beyond the scheming of using force and wits to control the horde for personal benefits, and satisfaction of the Id. Big cars, fancy security, The "Laal Batti". thinking of myself as a scheming mastermind, Self obsession has gotten the better over me. I am unable to think clearly.

The Shop, although well, is not getting as much footfall as it should. and I am to blame for it. There are clearly things which can be done for it, such as-

• Social Media Marketing

• Education of the employees on client satisfaction and salesmanship

• Going Online

• Branching Out

• starting a new branch of goods after proper market research

• renovation of the business

• expansion, expansion, expansion after market analysis

• computerisation

• getting client feedback and getting improvements done

Shit, there's a lot of work to be done. I haven't enough time.

I actually do have enough time, I just fucking waste it.

Confrontation is hard, even when you're in the right. I know what has to be done has to be done. That realization doesn't make it any easier, oh and the guilt that comes later when standing up for your own self and causing them loss, despite you being the losing end of the deal. Man this mind isn't right.

There came a point of time when I have to now confront a person who sold me an expensive smartwatch which was refurbished, at the price of new. there was no way of knowing about it until opening the pack , at which point the exchange policy lapsed upon opening it. I feel disheartened, and sad of a loss of a significantly big sum of money.

I feel Sad of people out to thug everyone else. The manufacturers thugging the end consumer and the retailed by inflating the price of items in the name of Developed and upgraded models, but actually decreasing its quality, and there's nothing we can do about that shit.

The retailers thugging the customers by selling returned, defected items in the name of new and then not accepting their faults when caught.

The deliverymen thugging the customers by mixing any crap such as soap and bricks during the time of delivery, taking out the perfect items from the packaging and shoving shit down the bags and repacking it. Then neither the deliveryman nor the retailer will take responsibility for the same, and the end loser is the customer.

The medical manufacturers patenting and monopolizing the medicines, charging the customers mindboggling prices for a single life saving drug to a point where people will rather die since they cant afford the medicines, but the company satisfying its shareholders is more important than life.

On occasions the customer will also thug the vendors by returning something else from what was purchased in the name of defected item, but pocketing the original item received, thereby, the loss will fall upon the retailer.

I fucking hate society, and its depraved people. I want to run away, live life as a hermit. Everyone wants to abuse the trust and social-brotherhood instinct that has built up mutual cooperation and growth of society. The brains of the society busy in planning and organizing how to fleece the society in newer ways.

Startups and Companies literally plan to run in loss for a few years in order for customers to shift from the local businesses to them till a point where the local businesses are starved of funds due to lack of customers and them shifting to these startups, even if that means that the startup will run in losses for a while. And when the local businesses shut down, then the Companies have the monopoly to fleece the customers however they see fit since there's no more competition anymore. This is legal, and considered the new "Norm" of doing business.

No where is safe, right from the blatant slave trade and sex trade rackets in Botswana, Where human Children are sold at LITERALLY UNDER 20$, (girls for a little bit more, use your fucking imagination why) to developing countries like India, even the 1st world countries, Board of directors of Global companies such as Mcdonalds and Ford with their "Refined living" are savages wearing their fucking 'Issabella Mahones' deciding to lobby the congress into bombing and chemical warfare other countries in the name of Cheap Oil and faster Amazon deliveries by opening up new Shipping routes on erstwhile lands owned by the same people they murdered, in the name of "defending the world against terrorism". Fuck that shit, Nuke em all, nuke us all.

That's fucked up. Humans, fuck em. No one deserves any good. Man, I've gotta be careful lest I turn up to be a serial killer or something with the resentment I have for mankind.

People call me fucking weird for telling them that I don't wish to have kids and live the "normal life" because society is no longer worth it to bring up new life and have them go through mankind being the biggest disease upon each other.

To not have new life go through the aches of life amongst the society is the greatest gift one could give them, and I think if they were alive and were asked- " if given the choice they'd like to have been born", they'd say the same, just like so many of my friends do, and so do I. If given the choice, I would have not chosen to be born, despite the comfortable and affluent life I have.

Is it fucked up? I don't know. I just know, and I am sure of it, that this decision of mine is extremely, purely logical with hardly much feelings attached behind it.

If feelings were involved in this, the feeling of selfishness would definitely overtake all of the others, that to have a child would be for my own satisfaction of knowing that there is someone after me to take care of me in my old age, that there is someone out there to be there around me when I am bedridden. But this is extremely selfish to think so, to bring a life and have them go through this shit for my personal benefit. No, fuck that.

I go down, bedridden, starving, aching, without company if I have to if that means to save a life from going through life all over again. Or adopt, and give the good life I have had. But it is also true that children mirror their core beliefs and mindsets, from the information they learn from their parents. I fear that making them as conscious of their surroundings like I am will only put them into depression too, Like I used to be. Ignorance is truly bliss. I envy the ignorant.