**Disclaimer- this post is of my own opinion, I do not expect even a single person to resonate with my views; if you do, awesome, if not then awesome! look at me right? launching questionable and controversial topics on the regular and gradually being disowned by friends and family one by one **
As I scroll through Instagram ,having my brunch on a late sunday morning, I come across a poet on instagram, her username, “diaryofaromantica”. On inspection of her works, What she talks about in her poetry is something that moves along the same lines that almost all other poems of hers do, she talks about the feeling of romanticism, making up scenarios, and projecting this sense of vulnerability relating to her own past experiences regarding the same, and her future expectations for the same on the internet.
While her works do sound melodious and all, after a few posts, you quickly begin to grow polarized by her works, like something along the lines of what you feel when you’ve had a whole bar of chocolates, and some ice-cream, and some caramel popcorn and then some candies and lollypops for the day, and someone then offers you gummy bears and marshmallows. I don’t know about you, but Id be repulsed by the word “sweet” after all that.
But in all seriousness, I think we all know this one person in our life , who’s the biggest romantic in this universe, who’s favorite past-time is fangirling over Bollywood movies and their chemistry, who dream of “their perfect guy/girl “and the qualities and experiences they’d like to have with them but surprisingly, they still remain to be single by choice. They post memes involving romantic ideas, captioning “me and who” and “when will i have something like this” but surprisingly, run away at the first idea of slight monogamous intimacy. Mind you, in many cases they do get get approached in multitudes so there’s no dearth of opportunities to be in one despite thinking about romantic scenarios all day. So, what’s the reason for the same?
On further questioning, their responses match along the lines of them not wanting to settle for anyone but the “best”, and abnormally high standards of their partner and only settling if someone matches that. So there they remain, in their daydreams in pursuit of perfection from an imperfect organism, far away from the reality-
That each and every being is constantly a work in progress, No one drops down on earth prefect in character an mental headspace until they go through life and learn through experiences.
Impervious to the fact that the odds that two people who like each other have the same characteristics that each of them are looking for so abysmally abysmally low, that you’d be better off buying a lottery ticket and winning it.
The perfection they’re looking for is infact real perfection; or just carefully crafted illusion that is recreated so easily by photoshopping your figure, or hiding your imperfections through makeup, or conversing word by word along a set of predefined scripts and environment created by experts in order to rouse emotions in the viewer that was intended by use of specific words, actions, and expressions. (If you didn’t know, that’s how politicians run the show, and what makes a good movie from a bad one)
That *they themselves* match up to the high level of expectations set by themselves that they expect their partner to match.
Because lets be honest, how many times has it happened that the person we like has had a crush on us too, or did they say yes because you’re the first person that has asked them out that they don’t exactly *dislike* , Ie- they are settling for you because they don’t know their likes/dislikes yet, let me tell you why its not exactly a bad thing that they’re settling for you, or you for them. its not a bad thing to settle for someone because deep down, you know the value of companionship and are willing to be by the persons side while they work on themselves and they, to your growth. they’re willing to build something unordinary with someone ordinary, than sulk for not having something unordinary among a life of ordinary. To me, lasting love is built, and doesn’t just appear randomly as many medias around us portray it to be. Its not about looking into each others eyes and “knowing” they’re the one; its not about hearing their voice and falling head over heels for them, its not about them looking stunning even in pj’s and messy hair. (Believe it or not, that’s infatuation too)
I think, with the traumas we have faced in relationships, it has to an extent made us second guess if falling for someone again is even worth it, and even if it is, it has constantly made us look for an unattainable goal of perfection in the other person in order to protect ourselves from being heartbroken again, so that their actions are in line with your expectations, and they don’t make you sad, again.
The Blunt Husain in me is just saying- No no no you retard, you’re wrong. there’s no Understanding human traumas explanation regarding this, pretty girls and handsome boys just like getting attention from a 1000 men and women online and in real life, than to settle for one person they may or may not regret settling down with when some one better comes along their way. Maybe Onlyfans and selling themselves for a 1.99$ a month is something they can live with. Maybe theyre okay with their 14 year old brother/sister/ neighbour seeing them in questionable positions on the internet is something normal, because #nudityiscool. The real reason why is that they like the attention is its as good as a drug, the same reason when you buy a flashy car and see others ogling your ride, you feel so cool and cant get enough of it now. They are not very good human beings because they like leading people on for the attention they get, while not giving them any definite yes or no if their feelings are reciprocated by them, thus preventing the other person from moving on (got too personal? Jesús, this blog is becoming a personal diary more than anything) I think, with my personal experience of romantic relationships and infatuations based on looks alone, and emotional/mental connection, I can attest to the fact that lasting love is built on analysis of the persons ideologies, their thought patterns, their attachment styles, their likes and dislikes, future plans and then searching for your compatibility with them. Either that, Or pray that you both are understanding enough to accept the differences in personalities and preferences and then be further understanding to call a middle ground where you both compromise into mutual nonirritable-ity. (I know right? why’s it gotta be so complicated?) Id like to say that these TWO ARE THE ONLY predictors of a successful and happy relationship, but experience has told me to not create a rigid belief and certainty on anything, so who knows, its possible that your infatuation/love for them may not vanish a few years down the line even if they suddenly change gender, height, or weight, not undermining the importance of keeping yourself physically and mentally attractive.
As much as westernization may try to normalize it, promote it even, I really thing polygamy is the way backward, and not forward. the very meaning of polygamy means “multiple union”, or looking to fulfil your needs (needs of any sort; physical/emotional) because you’re unable to communicate your needs to one partner, or the partner does not feel comfortable with certain needs of yours. it means- A. You and your partner are not compatible, and you should find someone you can be completely yourself with, the one who is matching your demons and vanilla thoughts. B. you haven’t worked on communicating your needs to your partner for any reason, maybe you think they’ll find you weird/ judge you, in that case you should work on it by talking about it with the person that might probably and hopefully be there forever? C. If nothing else, then You should probably think about your life choices that has made you reach this conclusion, and where your choices will lead to. (look at me get cancelled for this)
Comments